


An Ode To Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings

by Vinyaya



Category: The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Bad Poetry, Gen, Humor, Parody, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 14:43:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9765422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vinyaya/pseuds/Vinyaya
Summary: An summation of how much I adore the titular movies, with special attention given to their close similarity to the books.Or, you know... not.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this when I was thirteen, and you can tell. (Not that I'm much better at poetry now.) Personally, I think that adds to its charm, although there is one wince-inducing bit because I wasn't cognizant of the homophobic implications of calling someone a pansy.
> 
> My opinions of Peter Jackson and the LotR movies are still perfectly represented by this poem. :)

Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings:  
Tales of Elves, Hobbits, and Kings  
Stories of Gondor, Rohan, and Mordor,  
Now restored to their proper order

But wait! A hidden story approaches  
So many angry fans  
Throw wadded-up fury his way  
Along with pots and pans,  
Bows and arrows, and Dwarven axes,  
Assortments of letters, e-mails, and faxes,  
All with the same crucial message:  
"This is despicable, absolutely inane,  
You cut out vital characters,  
The plot lines you add are insane.  
What about Imrahil, Beregond, Nob?  
You've forgotten Erkenbrand, Quickbeam, and Hob."  
I must concur,  
After all, who could prefer  
A pansy Legolas – no, a lily  
To Tolkien's version – isn't it silly?

And I say, "Pete, you're such a crook.  
How dare you mess with my favorite book?  
I was raised on this masterpiece  
It's better than Greek Legends  
Jason and the Fleece."

Must I list all the characters he has left out?  
'Tis a long list, to be sure, but don't pout,  
I won't list them all, just a sample  
Just the very tiniest example.

First of all there's Glorfindel,  
Elven prince, rescuer of wanderers.  
Then the Sackville-Bagginses,  
Not mighty ponderers.  
Old Farmer Maggot and Tom Bombadil  
Who let the Hobbits eat their fill.  
Beregond saved Faramir's life  
An act which led him to terrible strife,  
And Ghân-buri-Ghân  
The old wild man  
Who aided the Riders in a generous manner,  
And Arwen's brothers, who carried her banner.

So my friends, my point is clear:  
Peter Jackson has cause to fear.  
For the real fans, like you and I  
May not succeed, but will certainly try  
To avenge this affront  
And have it acknowledged  
That this atrocity  
Will spark animosity  
And is, in fact, nothing better than  
A Tolkien of disrespect!


End file.
